Top TEN Hilarious Jokes About Lawn and Garden Care

Top TEN Hilarious Jokes About Lawn and Garden Care 10. The Hard-working Chinese Worker. A hard working Chinese man comes to the landscaping company looking for work. The boss says “OK, you’re hired. You’re in charge of the supplies.” In his thick Chinese accent he replies, “The supplies? OK, I do the supplies.” And he’s hired. The next morning, the landscapers leave the shop for their day’s work. When they return in the evening, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Suddenly he jumps out from behind a building and shouts – 9. The Short Tree Trimmer. A rather short man applies for a job as a tree trimmer. “Sorry, says the foreman, eyeing the man up and down, “You’re just too small.” “Give me a chance to show you what I can do,” the tiny man pleads. “You won’t regret it.” “Okay,” says the boss. “See that giant oak over there? The owner doesn’t want it anymore. Let’s see if you can chop it down.” Half an hour later, the mighty oak is felled, amazing the boss. “Where’d you learn to cut trees like that?” he asks. “The Sahara Forest,” the small man replies. “You mean the Sahara Desert?” The foreman corrects him. “Well sure, . . . that’s what they call it now.” 8. Two Worried Husbands. Two friends were talking and one of them shared, “I think my wife has a lover, a gardener.” “How do you know,“ his friend replied? When I returned home after work, I found freshly gathered roses laying on the bed. Well, the second friend shared, “I think my wife has a lover also – a plumber.” “How do you know,” the first friend asked? When I returned home after work, I found a plumber, laying on the bed. 7. The Generous Rich Man. One afternoon a rich man was riding in his limousine when he saw two men alongside the road eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, ‘Why are you eating grass?’ ‘We don’t have any money for food,’ the poor man replied. ‘We have to eat grass.’ ‘Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,’ the rich man said. ‘But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.’ ‘Bring them along,’ the rich man replied. Turning to the other poor man he announced, ‘You come with us, also.’ The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, ‘But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me.’ ‘Bring them all, as well,’ the rich fellow answered. They all climb in the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the rich gent and said, ‘Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.’ The rich man replied, ‘Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. My grass is almost a foot high.’ 6. Two Naïve Landscapers. Two landscapers serious about their trade met in the park, one carrying a brand new chain saw. The first landscaper said: “Where’d you get that chainsaw?” The other answered: “A gorgeous blonde came up to me. She set the saw down on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want!” The first arborist replied: “Good choice…the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”   5. The Sick Tree Trimmer. A tree trimmer stumbles into the doctor’s office with a branch protruding from his belly button and says… “doc, I don’t feel so good.” After looking him over the doctor replies, “It’s no wonder. You’re not eating properly!” 4. Chainsaw Cuts Off Workers Head. A tree trimmer is cutting down a tree with a chainsaw while his hired laborer watches.  Suddenly he slips and accidentally cuts his laborer’s head clean off at the shoulders.  The tree trimmer reports the accident to his foreman.  The foreman says: “Well somebody’s going to have to tell his wife”, to which the tree trimmer replies “I feel a bit guilty so I’ll go.” The tree trimmer turns up at the wife’s house, but so she wouldn’t think he was some kind of sick jokester, he takes the decapitated head with him.  Holding the head by the hair behind his back, he knocks on the door. A woman opens the door: “Yes?” “Excuse me,” says the tree trimmer “Does your husband work as a landscaper?” “Yes,” says the woman.” “Does he have black hair and a black beard?” “Yes” “And a scar down his left cheek?” “Yes, that’s him” says the woman. “Well is this him?” says the guy, pulling the head from behind his back. No,” says the woman. “No?” says the tree trimmer, surprised. “My husband is a lot taller than that.” 3. Tomatoes Won’t Ripen. A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won’t ripen.  There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she’s getting tired of it.  So she goes to her neighbor and says, “Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?”  Her neighbor replies, “Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden, and take all your clothes off.  Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.”  Well, what the heck?   She does it.  The next day her neighbor asks how it worked.  “So-so,” she answers,  “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.” 2. Mixed Up Flowers. A new business was opening, and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.  The flowers arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card: “Rest in Peace.”  The owner was annoyed, and called to complain.  “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, and sorry you were offended,” said the florist. “But even worse, somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new location.” 1. Wife Cutting the Lawn. Simon’s mower motor had finally given up the ghost. His wife, Maria, kept dropping hints about getting it fixed before the grass grew too tall, but the message wasn’t getting through, and Simon kept procrastinating and putting off doing the repairs. Frustrated, Maria decided on what she thought was a clever way to make her point. When Simon arrived home from work, he found Maria sitting in the grass, clipping it by hand with a tiny pair of scissors. Simon, totally amazed, watched silently for a few minutes, then went into the house only to appear again a few minutes later where he handed her a toothbrush. ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalks,’ said Simon ungraciously.